Questions

I appreciate having the (Australian) Lutheran church as my first spiritual home for a few reasons, but right now this is the main one - I learnt to accept that some questions just don't have definitive answers. I remember the church I went to being very upfront in saying - we don't know how God does this, we just believe he does.

Wow, has that done me an incredible amount of good! I'm the questioning type, I need explanations for a lot of things (like why God made particular rules for us). But I can accept that some questions just don't have answers that I can comprehend here and now. Maybe after I die, I'll find out and understand all those answers. I look forward to the possibility!

Anyway, I was reminded of this concept at church today. A fellow member talked about a scary hospital visit during the week, and her anger at God. How dare he let that happen to her? And he told her something that he's told me often... that he's there, and he's in control, whether I understand or not. It reminded me of a time in my life when I leaned on that knowledge with all of my weight... and of a piece of writing I did in the middle of the night a couple of months ago. It's full of questions, and only one answer.

Warning - it's about a miscarriage, and may bring up pain and memories for anyone who's experienced a similar loss.

Will I see my unborn child in heaven?

Does a tiny form which never grew eyes contemplate the glory of our Father?

Did a soul ever flicker into awareness and feel the love and devotion poured over it so briefly?

I wonder. Mostly I try not to, because to answer these questions seems trite and pointless. Who really knows?

God knows. But these seem to be secrets which he holds close to his heart. He knows exactly what happens in the womb. He knits together not only the body, but the soul, of each and every child.

What I yearn to know is - was it a potential life or a living, aware child that I lost that day? Will I see my baby in heaven??

At the end of the day, I know only this -

God knows the answers to my questions, and there are no tears in heaven. These two things, and God's very presence, are my comfort when I have no answers.