Life in the Cruisin' Lane

I think I'm still waiting for God to go KABOOM! in my life.

In the meantime... I'm trying desperately to learn the skill of reliability. To all those who have reliability as part of their makeup - you have no idea how hard it is to learn!

So I'm gritting my teeth and turning up to bible study, committing myself to cook dinner for people, offering our (extremely messy atm) house for a church member who's having an accommodation crisis, volunteering to help with someone's newsletter... ARGH. Oh, and committing to research and bring back info on how to put together my prayer tent idea. This is all very scary stuff. On the bright side, half my offers have been gratefully received, but found unnecessary. PHEW. But there are still a number of responsibilities there, including catering for morning tea tomorrow. Oh, and my new assumption of the role of Social Club President at work.

I'm really looking forward to God releasing me from this 9 to 5 job... although I have a sneaking suspicion that once he does, I'll spend more than a few moments looking back at such cruisy times with nostalgia.

Being accountable to church members... this is such a hard lesson to undertake. I don't like it. Every time I make a commitment I feel a deep fear - the fear of failing someone and stuffing everything up for more people than just me. There's a song - by the Newsboys I think?

What if I stumble,
And what if I fall?
What if I lose my step
And make fools of us all?

This is me, now. Nearly paralysed with fear that I'm going to stuff everything up and let everyone down, and bring God's name into disrepute. But I've spent too much time avoiding committing myself to anything major for that exact reason... and now it's time for me to grit my teeth and do it anyway. I'll just have to rely on God to bring good out of the chaos.