Update on a Weird Month

I've finally gotten around to making an update.

In all honesty, I've been avoiding this, because I haven't been quite sure what was going on and how I felt about it - which makes it difficult to communicate anything!

As far as ministry goes... well, I'm still getting to know people in the neighbourhood, and the gentleman who sells the Big Issue in our suburb actually turned up at church for 5-10 minutes before getting uncomfortable and leaving. I guess that's a step in the right direction? At least one person made a point of visiting him at his usual spot, mentioning that they saw him at church and buying a magazine, so hopefully that's helped.

Personal life... oh boy. First, a little bit of background info... hubby and I have been trying for children for a couple of years now. Result at the start of the year? 1 pregnancy, 1 miscarriage, 15 months of nothing and God saying to me, "It's not going to happen this year". OK, I could cope with that. I ditched the ovulation tracking and immersed myself in work, church and outside-church-ministry. April was the first month, though, that I managed the mammoth feat - I managed to completely forget where in my cycle I was. I was quite impressed with my feat until I noticed that I'd been feeling tired, nauseous and headachey - not to mention full of weird pains - for a couple of weeks. I tested - very very faint positive. Hmmmm. I showed it to hubby that night, in case I'd been imagining things. Nope - he agreed with me. Hmmmmmm. That night, I started bleeding. Sigh. In other words, yes I was pregnant... and no, I'm not anymore.

So this has got me wondering what exactly God's trying to tell me. See, I was fairly sure that God was in control when it came to those 18 months since the last miscarriage. I often felt him saying "Not yet", so not getting pregnant didn't really bother me on anything but an emotional level. But now - was that another 'not yet'? Was it a 'get ready'? Or was it just one of those seemingly-random sad things that happens in a fallen world? I'm puzzled... and I feel like treading water for a while till I can figure it out. Unfortunately, the world's moving on regardless... so I guess I'll just have to see what happens.