Relaxation

Oh my.

I hadn't had a holiday for almost a year. Wow, THIS is what a holiday feels like. Seriously, I'd forgotten. I'd forgotten that feeling of relaxation and well-being that comes with a hard-earned, do-whatever-you-want holiday. Even when I had holidays last year, we were travelling, being sociable to lots of people we hadn't seen for a year or more, going places, doing STUFF... blah. This year I decided I needed a simple, stay-at-home BREAK.

Ahhhhhhhh. The muscles between my shoulder blades are starting to relax.

'Christmas' and 'busy'

Those two words always seem to go together. I wonder why? Why does Christmas always have to be 'busy'?

Anyway, I decided to post for a couple of reasons.

First, I haven't posted in this blog for a while, and wanted to let people know I'm still alive and relatively on-track. I haven't gotten the prayer tent up and running, but I am hoping to be involved with a Christmas Lunch for the homeless this weekend. I'm not sure it's going to happen, but at least I've tried. Hmmm.

Second, I felt like venting. I've had one of 'those' weeks. This month, much to my (looking back) disgust, I got the idea in my head that I must be pregnant. Now, when you've been trying for over a year, this sort of thing is just dumb, and can't be blamed on bright-eyed ignorance. Half of me can cope quite well with the idea that God's in charge and will bless us however he chooses - biological children, other people's children, foreign orphans, whatever. The other half of me screams in raw, agonising pain at least once a month. This stuff HURTS. But something that gives me a bit of comfort is looking at the barren women in the bible. It looks like they suffered from much the same ambivalence... sheer pain at their situation, and faith that God knew what he was doing. That gives me far more comfort than the fact that they (mostly) got their biological children.

My biggest marriage problem

I think I've worked it out. My biggest temptation in marriage is this - petulance.

By that, I mean this sort of scenario:

• I like hubby doing A (eg. back massage after a hard day).
• Hubby hardly ever does A for me.
• During a particularly dry or stressful spell, I get more and more upset about hubby not doing A when I so obviously need it.
• I decide that since hubby won't do A for me, I won't do B for him, which he loves.

This seems sort of logical on the surface. The problem is... if both people in a marriage are thinking this way (even subconsciously), it becomes a vicious circle. Soon neither person feels like doing anything for the other. Apathy, resentment and frustration reign.

So... I'm determined not to let this way of thinking into my head over the next few weeks.